Private Life With Public Purpose

How to set New Year’s resolutions that maximize happiness

Originally published on December 31, 2018 in the Washington Post, which can be found here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2018/12/31/how-set-new-years-resolutions-that-maximize-happiness/ 

 

Millions of Americans will make New Year’s resolutions. Some will vow to make more money or new friends. Others will focus on exercising more or eating less. Each resolution represents the hope that changing one’s behavior or priorities will bring increased happiness.

Such aspirations are a truly American tradition. The pursuit of happiness serves as a substitute for fixed estates or castes, promising that every person can establish personal priorities rather than following those dictated by birth or tradition. It’s even built in our founding documents: In the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson placed the “pursuit of happiness” next to life and liberty.

And yet, most Americans are left with more pursuit than actual happiness. The Harris Poll’s Survey of American Happiness, conducted annually since 2008, has consistently shown that only about a third of Americans feel happy.

So what New Year’s resolution should we make to achieve happiness? The philosopher and psychologist William James had some ideas. At the turn of the 20th century, James explored how to find happiness, and today his lessons can help us balance the desire for material satisfaction and social status with the more substantial goal of personal fulfillment.
In a chapter from his 1890 book “The Principles of Psychology,” James summarized the search for happiness with a simple equation: Self-esteem = Success / Pretensions. Success can make us feel happy by boosting our self-esteem. But high expectations can undercut that source of happiness, because it is not enough simply to succeed more; we also have to lower our expectations.

 

To help illustrate this point, James distinguished between happiness and satisfaction. Compared to happiness, satisfaction depends more on external circumstances and so is more susceptible to the lure of higher expectations: For example, maybe a glitzy new cellphone or a promotion will finally bring permanent smiles.

Americans have long been known for their love of newfangled devices, as British journalist Henry Norman observed during an 1898 visit to the United States. Unlike the British, with their persistent loyalty to things that work, Americans celebrate (and buy) countless new possessions, even when they don’t address any particular need. What’s more, Norman observed, Americans “will try an object one day and throw it away the next for something a trifle more convenient or expeditious.” By 1970, when Simon and Garfunkel sang about “keep[ing] the customer satisfied,” audiences would instantly recognize the reference to America’s fixation with material satisfaction.

But for James, happiness was different. It generally marches to the beat of its own drummer, without waiting for outside support. Henry David Thoreau, for instance, lowered his expectations by living simply at Walden Pond. With fewer material satisfactions, he declared that “my wealth is not possession but enjoyment” — an idea that included relishing experiences and simply having more time.

And yet, the paths to happiness advocated by Thoreau and James have remained unpopular. Why? Because Americans have largely opted to pursue satisfaction, not happiness, and seek material and social successes to stoke their self-esteem. For decades, these pursuits have been engines for economic growth and staples of American politics. In 1941, President Franklin Roosevelt enshrined the “freedom from want” as a pillar of democracy, on par with First Amendment freedoms.

James recognized something fundamentally important, and it is this notion that has become lost in our increasingly expanding consumer culture: Material satisfaction fulfills basic needs, but once a person is freed from desperation, more material goods can actually undercut happiness, especially if the expectations for satisfaction keeps rising.

As a result, the constant search for satisfaction can put happiness permanently out of reach, because even the success wrought from high achievements will always feel “ever not quite,” as James realized. Hollywood’s classic 1941 film “Citizen Kane” captured this dynamic. Orson Welles’s character Charles Foster Kane was awash in wealth but constantly pined for the simple joys of childhood, symbolized by Rosebud the sled.

James himself only gradually came to this realization. As a young man, he was unhappy, despite growing up in a well-off family and enjoying the privilege of a Harvard education. When researching his early development, I was struck by his physical ailments, depression, uncertainty about his career, family tensions and awkwardness with women. He even vowed never to marry to avoid any chance of passing his troubled traits to another generation.

Despite his problems, James became the founder of American psychology, an advocate for pragmatism, an innovator of spiritual approaches to religion and a committed public intellectual. How did this disturbed young man become such a confident and influential figure?

He ditched satisfaction in favor of happiness.

James embraced his limitations, rather than focusing all his attention on fixing them. In letters to family and friends, he even called his problems “a periodical neccessity [sic].” This new posture gave “a sort of deep enthusiastic bliss.” Happiness, he understood, emerged from a “bitter willingness to do and suffer anything.” The meaningful future he was creating, even in small steps of learning, writing and discussing, was more important than his troubles. And those purposeful engagements became his new source of happiness.

In his 1892 book “Psychology,” James drew on this distinction between satisfaction and happiness. The self in its material and social dimensions that craves things and status aims for satisfaction. Beneath our material and social selves, however, an inner core persists with purpose no matter what satisfactions the world brings or withholds. If financial or social successes, or any other short-term want, are not in tune with that self, better to find different goals.

James’s insights have shaped the contemporary field of positive psychology. Researchers today advise seeking happiness in two ways. First, pay attention to your own distinct traits and cultivate those as your strengths. Second, because initial strengths are often not enough, persist with motivation and commitment. This “grit” is generally a surer path to success than native ability.

For the contemporary psychologists, as for James, the greatest happiness comes from finding meaning through focus on significant purpose, especially when effort is crowned with a sense of accomplishment. Even satisfying countless material wants cannot measure up to the happiness flowing from creative achievement or from helping a child in need. And often, with the focus on well-chosen inner purpose, material and social successes will emerge as side effects of being true to one’s self.

So go ahead and make those New Year’s resolutions. Incorporating these suggestions from James and company can turn your vow into a path to happiness:

1. Make a resolution that’s in tune with your deepest commitments.

2. Invest in that resolution with a sense of purpose.

3. Don’t shy away from the challenges it might present and keep going.

A resolution energized with these supports offers the best chance of ensuring your pursuits to lead to genuine happiness.

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Private Life With Public Purpose, Uncategorized

Feeling Overwhelmed by What’s Happening?

Originally published on September 23, 2018 in the History News Network; full article can also be read here: https://historynewsnetwork.org/article/169822

 

As a young man, William James studied a range of fields, from chemistry to literature. He focused especially on physiology, psychology, and philosophy. In the 1860s and 1870s, the future psychologist and philosopher was sorting out his own philosophy of life and sampling career paths. Each offered plausible insights, but none was decisive or beyond some criticism, especially as amplified by his temperamental indecisiveness. The swirl of choices, and the dramatically different ways of understanding the world, made him feel downright “dead and buried.” With these burdens, compounded by severe depression and poor physical health, he even vowed never to marry lest his problems descend to another generation. By his late twenties, he felt “rather precipitately old.”

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Private Life With Public Purpose

The Scripture in the Stone:Preparing for adulthood in the new old-fashioned way

Originally published on July 19, 2018 through Public Seminar; original can be found here: http://www.publicseminar.org/2018/07/the-sculpture-in-the-stone/

William James’s Hard-Won Development Between Childhood and Fame

How do we come of age? The Pew Research Center reports a steady increase over the last five decades in the number of young adults, aged 25 to 35, living with their parents. The percentage of young people “nesting” at home has almost doubled since 1964, up to 15 percent of this age group in 2016. Economic factors have encouraged these living arrangements, including the difficulties of breaking into the labor market, the high cost of independent living in many areas, and soaring debt obligations.

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Private Life With Public Purpose

Dear Adulthood, An Open Letter from Childhood: Inspired by my son, turning 18 today

To: Adulthood

From: Childhood

Date: Timeless

Re: Growing Up

I’ve heard you are coming, and that you are going to stay. No fair! Why??—you don’t have to—besides, I never even asked you to come anyway….

I like it the way it is!!…. I like being cared for; I like playing around; I like just chillin’ with friends. I want to imagine things that are more real (and true and beautiful) and more fun than that “real”

stuff, all that serious stuff, you have to offer.

I’m afraid of what I’ll have to do and where you will take me …. Routines, responsibilities, commitments, hurts—bigger hurts—when things go wrong, and work, so much work….

But you know, I am kind of curious about all the things that you can do…. You, like, achieve things and get real close with people, and I guess you understand stuff, like how things work and all. That sounds pretty cool….

So, will you take me with you? I won’t take all your

time, I promise, and maybe I can help, if you’ll let me. Can we go … together?

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Private Life With Public Purpose

Obscenity exposes foolish practices

March 2004

I spent part of my spring break in Las Vegas. It was a tough job, but someone had to do it—that is, serve as an advisor to The Reporter staff attending the National Collegiate Newspaper Convention. Besides, as a certified United States culture watcher, it was… well… sort of my duty to do some genuine culture watching in this remarkable town.

The Reporter remains the oldest collegiate student publication in the state of Florida–read on for more about their 2004 spring convention!

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Private Life With Public Purpose

On Job Interviewing: Thinking from both sides of the table

Originally published December 1, 1999 by the American Historical Association, and can be accessed here: https://www.historians.org/publications-and-directories/perspectives-on-history/december-1999/on-job-interviewing-thinking-from-both-sides-of-the-table

A long weekend at the AHA meeting can go very quickly with all the intellectual, professional, and collegial work to do. Plus it’s just nice to take a break and see the town surrounding the hothouse atmosphere of the conference. So I found it difficult to imagine adding anything extra to the schedule. That was how I first conceived of the session “Interviewing in the Job Market of the 1990s: A Workshop,” organized by Carla Rahn Phillips. But the description intrigued me, since I was not very far in time from sitting for interviews myself. The uncertainties of being evaluated for one of the biggest steps in my professional career still loomed large in my memory. I folded down the corner of the page in the program book to mark the session for future reference.

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Private Life With Public Purpose

The invisible man: how culture has forced fathers into the background

November 1997

My son, Peter, was ready for the SAK theater performance on October 24. Remembering their spray of Tootsie Rolls into the audience to sweeten up the crowd, he had a bag full of candy ready to toss back to them. The show started, and the Tootsies flew—and sure enough Peter threw some of his candy onto the stage. Maybe that was the only bribe they needed, since they chose him when they asked for volunteers for one of their first skits.

Peter’s five minutes of fame catapulted him onto the front page of the Reporter, in a nice photograph that captured his ambivalence about being on stage. His only disappointment was that the caption didn’t mention his name. What could I say, but “Come to think of it, the caption says you are ‘Ann Jerome Croce’s son’ but not mine.” I looked at him with a smirk, and said, “Do you think it’s anti-boyism?” In his seven-year-old wisdom, he didn’t know what to make of that, but he still didn’t like not being mentioned.

I’m not very bothered by not being mentioned but the caption has gotten me thinking about the perceptions of men in childcare and about the role of men in contemporary society.

Are fathers becoming invisible? Read the rest of this essay here. 

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